A lot of what I’ve been through has definitely made me stronger. And there are many of my stories that make those I share them with cringe – that I feel nothing anymore when telling. They are just memories now. No real emotion associated. That was not always the case. I call it victory & surely nothing I take credit for.
And then there are other painful things that seem to be planted in the marrow in my bones – stitched into knots in my soul & pulled down in the deepest corners.
To not live at ALL in what has been taken from me? I surely do hope I get there this side of heaven. I’m just being real.
It doesn’t happen every day but there are times where those other things follow me around hissing that soon enough that damnable other shoe will drop. That giving love & trust will disappoint me once more. Leaving me empty-handed. And broken-hearted.
That my prayers may have been in vain. That my worst fears will come true. Doubt. Unbelief. Lies.
Not. My. Father’s. Voice.
It’s a battle. This gift called life. And I would not & could not navigate it without God in me – the hope of glory. The hope of any good thing for me & those I love.
He says that He works all of this for our good – & I am standing stubbornly & occasionally terrified on that promise.
I pray us beauty for our ashes. I pray our stories set others free. As we ourselves become more free.
Sweet Jesus, thank You for Your sacrifice. Oh, when I finally get to fall at Your Feet…
Much love y’all,