Oh to be fully understood & unconditionally loved….
My, oh my.
What an elusive & what feels like an impossible thing apart from God.
And man, don’t we know how to scratch & claw around at everything & everyone else trying to snatch up a crumb of it.
I had an exceptionally great day yesterday. Nothing earth shattering happened really. I was just in a good mood. Laughed a lot. Had more energy than I’ve had in a while & came home from work & cleaned my little abode. Talked on the phone to the best big brother in the world. Washed my bed linens & remade it all nice & clean & cozy. Ending with a long shower as hot as I️ could stand it. The little & best things.
As I was tootling around my apartment doing this & that I caught myself smiling. Like really big-ly. That has not happened in a while. I’ve talked about it before. But this time it was different. I don’t know if it has ever happened to you this way but as I was, I could feel God smiling with me & over me. At the same time. I almost felt my heart swelling – doubling in my chest. Like a holy sunbeam from heaven shining directly on & right through me. It washed over me & made me feel lighter. I cannot explain it aptly in words. Hey, I️ tried.
The most striking thing of all to me about it though is that I feel so incredibly unworthy – especially of late. I know that God‘s love for me is not about me or my performance but everything about Him & who He is. I get that. I really do. You also know how it is when we know we have not been being our best selves. How it feels when we’ve visited the ditches & pits more than the pinnacles & the light places. How we get comfortable there & make our homes. God Help us. We so need Your direction. Every. Single. Day.
Lord May we DARE to see ourselves as You do- radiant in Your righteousness. Not in the filthy & tattered rags of our own. May we begin to stand up taller & stronger when we feel You smiling over us. Like any trusting child would do when their Daddy is standing next to them. You Daddy are always with us. You are a Good, Good Father. You don’t leave us. You don’t harm us. When You’re silent You’re teaching. When You speak You set us free. May we listen more closely & not be so quick to believe the worst. I myself really want to be free of Waiting-for-the-other-shoe-to-drop Syndrome. As You know so well I’ve had it my whole life. And I’m tired frankly of lugging it around like a bad accessory. So I pray the same for any of my brothers & sisters who suffer from the same condition.
In Jesus’ Uncanny & All-Mighty Name,
Thank you bunches for following my Tuesday rambling. I love this Family. You’re my people. And we are all in this together.
Much love y’all – bask in it more & more & more,