How easy it is to swim around in the ponds of self-pity we dig so ceremoniously & diligently over time. Fretting over this thing or that thing. Fighting our own battles as if we ever could – alone. I did it last night. Sundays are still the hardest for me. One sweet day that will pass.
Kicking & inside-screaming, stomping my proverbial legs & feet. Like the little girl that used to hide back in my room when there was no peace at the other end of our home. Trying to drown out reality & heartbreak over things I did & didn’t want & expectations I wish I didn’t have. Disappointments that cut deep no matter how far I run in my own life & the fear that grips me when I think the worst about things I have no control over in the life of someone I love so much. Yes, the same ol’ vinyl album turning ’round again. And she was in full swing.
Then after my rant I saw an article about a young man – a world changer – that just lost his life at age 34. And it hit me that I needed to dry it up – to be thankful for where I am & what I have & who is still in my life.
I really do try to be grateful every single day. I always say it keeps me sane. It pulls me out of my pond – the muck & the mire. A re-adjustment when I get myself in an emotional female-fix. I was thankful for the shift last night. Sad for the loved ones of the young man who passed on & thinking about how he wouldn’t trade where he is now for anything.
Perspective really is everything. I preach it & preach it. Mostly to myself. Mine still needs some serious tweaking on occasion. Obviously.
I am so incredibly blessed. Things could be very, very different right now. Negatively speaking. A loaded statement of the greatest measure.
Lord, from the bottom of my frustrated, tired, open & afraid but hope-full heart – thank You. Thank You for my son, the rest of my family, my friends, my job, my home, for clothing & food. For Your grace & Your mercy & most of ALL- Your Great Love. And even though I may have kicked it over & across the floor a time or two in my humanity, my cup truly runneth over. Forgive me for forgetting Whose I am & all You are. For acting like a bratty snot-nosed orphan. You never reject me or my questions & the tantrums always lead me back to You. My Good, Good Father. I would be so lost without You. So incredibly lost.
In Jesus’ wonderful name,
Much love y’all & more perspective-shifting when we need it,
(image courtesy of 1safeharborisjesus.wordpress.com)