Every single time I fall flat on my face, God is there as my Good Father. To lift me & sweetly help me corral the pieces I’ve managed, once again, to scatter & fling everywhere.
No matter how many times I have to learn the same lessons over & over, He never tires of me. And honestly, I think I learn more & more truth every time I fail. And through all of the stumblings I get more & more free.
It still hurts. I still have a hard time really, really looking in the mirror at my-self. At those things in me that are obviously still so broken that they propel me in directions I ought not go. The insecurities that still crop up when I feel rejected in some way. The ancient lie that hisses I am not enough. A mocking that echoes in the hollows of my soul that I still try to protect. So no one can ever touch me there. Not even God. Yet He still keeps showing up. Like a Holy Ghost archeologist with soft-bristled brush in-hand, tirelessly working to uncover the treasure in my ruins. (I just saw that picture in my mind. It speaks. Thank You Lord.)
Beauty amongst all the ashes.
He slays me. More than any man.
He is slaying me now. Bridging the gap I solely made between my humanity & His ever-reaching Love. In my foolishness. In my folly. Why He still loves me so tangibly blows me away & turns me inside-out. It keeps me coming back again & again.
I’m starting to get beyond-tired of falling down over my own stubborn & sometimes really stupid feet. As much as it can hurt, it’s a teacher like nothing else. The bruises & scars are reminders. As long as I pay attention. And learn. God help me.
As a side-note, I hated school. But trust me, I want to continue this.
There is a glorious & high calling over each & every one of us. I’m not talking about a position in a church or in a business or on the stage somewhere. It’s a calling to step out of the mundane & the same-old same-old. To reach higher than we have. To reach deeper than we dare. To allow Love to transform us so that we can pay it forward. We love God more so that He can love us more so that we can love ourselves & each other more. This is the greatest gift of all. And the one thing we will remember the most as we are drawing our last breaths.
Right now in this moment of raw gratitude I am full. Even though things feel very uncertain & I still get scared about my future, my sons future. I do know Who is with me. Who is guiding me. And when I turn-tail & run as hard away from Him as I can, when I think I’m hiding – He is right there waiting, no matter how far I may roam. He meets me in my darkness. And I am never alone.
Lord I pray right now for all who are struggling. Who have fallen. Who have failed. Who think You’ve failed. The ones who feel rejected, looked over, forgotten. Who cannot, for the life of them, believe that they are enough. For those who have just given up. Or on the very brink. For those who are hiding & running. God please show them the truth. Your truth. Give them an extra heaping dose of Your grace right now. May they feel Your mercy & Love for them. And may it change them for the better. In Jesus’ beautiful transforming mighty name,
Much love y’all,
(image courtesy of kotaku.com)