A Friday Rambling On Getting Schooled In Life & Love

Good morning y’all.  I hope you all have chins lifted high. ❤️
This one is geared more towards my single compadres. I saw the quote below & thought how it explains some things – how I feel- so perfectly. I pray it encourages & possibly even steers you out of a situation that you’d be best shed of – if the shoe fits. Please do not take it as advice to leave a marriage – that is something you have to work out with God & your spouse. 

Once in a while I talk about it but I myself have been single for almost 6 years. At a time in my life where I wouldn’t have chosen it. But I will tell you this – it has taught me more & I have grown more than in all the 41+ years prior. So I wouldn’t trade it. I wouldn’t go back. No way. 

I made a choice in my late 20s to marry this person. And in all honesty I think we both married the other hoping that one day we would both change. Our first & last mistake.

In my youthful naïveté I did it for the wrong reasons. And a good relationship today for me looks nothing like it used to. I’ve been schooled. To say the least. 

I do see now that we went about it all wrong & rushed things. I tried my best the entire time to sprinkle pixie dust on it – forever in faith that things will smooth out & we would live happily ever after. But the life we made with some of our choices left huge gaping holes, thus allowing things to come in & out that never should’ve been. I completely lost who I was becoming trying to be whatever I thought my mate wanted me to be.

I wore myself out on a treadmill of religiosity in some ways, denying myself of so much & I stagnated almost into a pillar of salt. And in the end I had nothing left to give. No more energy to put in. It is what it is. 

So I left. 

Today I do believe that I did everything humanly possible to make it work. I can lay my head on my pillow at night with that peace. We were 2 very broken people each looking to something other than God to fulfill us. For me it was him, for him it was something else. What an insane tug-of-war it was. 

And oh-so-common, sadly enough. 

We so many times don’t understand what love & commitments truly means.

I know this – our Good Father, our Daddy – promises to take the shipwrecks of our life & turn them for our good. He promises to give beauty for our ashes.

And I can honestly say, beyond the shadow of any doubt, that He has done that for me. I have been spinning ’round & ’round on His Potter’s wheel, being molded & shaped & loved & cared for. 

So. Much. 

And He will never stop. 

Till the work is complete.

Life can break us, teach us, propel us, drive us & change us. We just have to lean in through the pain. We have to wait & learn patience in the metamorphosis of it all. Because if we try to jump out there too early or make decisions without really seeking God’s best first, we will find ourselves on the ground not feeling like we can move it all. Or back on the wheel a stubborn re-worked lump of clay. The wonderful thing is God never stops pursuing us. He also never forces us into anything. We are free & He has our best in Mind. Always. We see through a glass darkly after all. 

Lord help us to pay attention to our pain. Help us lean into You for the big & small things. Help us to take Your guidance seriously. To see the signs that are pointing us this way & that. 

And may we look to You for our deepest soul’s fulfillment. You alone are the foundation for our joy & sweet peace that surpasses all understanding. You are the well that never, ever, ever runs dry. 

Hallelujah Lord. 
We praise You above all these things & seek Your best for us in faith today. 
In Jesus’ might name, 
Amen. 

Much love y’all, 

Bonnie ❤️

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s