I must be a glutton for punishment. I find these movies with a romantic storyline built-in. And it always reminds me of what I am still missing.
I do post about my single-ness from time to time on here. This will be another one. Some of you will exit at this point & for that I understand. But it helps me to get it out.
And honestly this isn’t just about singleness.
There are remnants of a human hole in me where men have stood or didn’t. From my father on. And this is not a pity party in any way. Please read me correctly.
The movie I watched was called Big Stone Gap. The main character is Ashley Judd. Single & middle-aged, no children. And she had yet to find that one true love. You know the kind I’m talking about. The kind that some of us find & some of us don’t.
She also learned through the course of the movie that the man she thought was her father was not. She did finally get to meet him & I lost it at that point. And the way that came about was probably the best part for me. I don’t want to ruin it for you if you haven’t seen it. But I do highly recommend it.
Those of you who are blessed to have had a strong father figure in your life are so fortunate. I’m not speaking disrespectfully of mine, but I was robbed of having that. I have no unforgiveness or hard feelings towards him. God has done a beautiful work in me that way. It just is what it is. I believe he is in heaven with our Mom and I can’t wait to spend eternity getting to know them both rightfully.
To say that I don’t want for a kind, honest & committed strong arm & shoulder would be a lie. I would love to know what that feels like. Absolutely. But the “desperate” obsession to have that left me a couple of years ago, thank you Jesus. God has certainly filled in the wide-gaps as I have grown. It truly is just a deeply embedded desire. Not a need. And when & if it finally happens, it will be for the first time.
Now I have loved before & been loved as best we could muster – but in the kind of way where I truly feel safe (in human form), no. I also am smart enough to know that love is not always like the movies or in the best of romance novels. I am way past that, trust me.
But I do believe in a solid love between a man & woman who understand what real Love truly is. What grace and mercy truly are. What commitment should look like. When things are great & when they are not. After all, Love is both a verb & a noun – emphasis strong on the first one. Actions scream so much louder than words ever will. Can I get an amen?
I have learned to allow God to be for me what others have not or could not. I also realize no-one can give me everything. Or truly make me happy, fulfill me in those deep, deep places. No-one but Him.
But for another similar soul to come alongside & be a partner, a friend & a lover inside & out to me – now that I’ll take. And hopefully one sweet day I shall.
Nevertheless Lord, if I do not see that this side of heaven, I am so grateful for every person & thing You have already blessed me with. I know with You my Great Comforter, I will always always be Loved, Safe in the palm of Your Mighty Right Hand & full of Your Sweet empowering Grace.
Much love y’all & a prayer today for those who share in my ramblings,