Ramblings On Regret, Wrongs & The Answer To It All

Happy NEW year y’all ! As I’m looking back on ’16 & forward to 2017, some ramblings came to me that I just had to get out. 
I don’t know what I would do with my regrets if not for Jesus. And separately but sometimes blurred together with that – I don’t know what I would do with all the things I’ve done wrong if not for Jesus. People deal with their own regrets & wrongs in many different ways. 
And I don’t know what I would do with what has been done to me either. With the scars that those things have left – the slants in my emotions – the jagged edges left in the wake of what other people have chosen. 
For me Jesus is the only way – the only One- that keeps the pain from all of these things being so unbearable that it stops me in my tracks. Frozen in place- immovable & like I can’t breathe at times. 
Sometimes the twisty-things that whisper all around me become stark & they turn to a scream in my face. Shape shifting, circumstances not being what they seem to be – people who say they care – but yet there are hidden agendas, deep-buried things that drive them to inadvertently or sometimes purposefully hurt me. I have been on the other end of that too. We all have at some point. 

When I do feel the notion rising up in me – to stab back – from those old tangled places in my soul, I try to always stop it. An ugly part that one day I will be totally free from on the other side of this wide world. For now I just try to keep it at bay by God’s sweet grace. But man oh man, can it ever be difficult.
I have this thing in me where I perpetually want to believe the best in people – & occasionally that winds up causing great pain. But mostly it gives me great joy. Would I rather not have that than to have it? No! I do want to be who God has made me to be. As flawed & awkward as that can be. Rather than letting someone else’s feelings towards me change who I am.  
We Must go on living & go on loving no matter the choices of people around us. Or our own. God help us. Oh how we do need Thee every hour. 

Selah. 

So as we step into this new season together, may we leave behind the things that have weighed us down. May we look forward to the future with our chins lifted up – knowing where our help comes from, knowing where the ability to love & to be loved comes from & knowing that we ourselves are so, so loved – by Love Himself. 
And much, much more of it y’all- 
Let’s make it our goal this year, 

Bonnie ❤ 

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