This time last year I cannot even describe to you what a dark place I was in. And although the hit that I believe was formed against me was not of my own doing, my allowing myself to be yoked to this thing was.
I may have written about it before, I did not look back to see – but maybe someone this morning needs to read this.
Sometimes when we want something so much – we can be tricked, fooled & brought very low in the pursuit of whatever it is. Strange thing is at the time I was in a good place. I had learned what it is to be content, having navigated the waters of being single for several years. And out of nowhere this person slithered their way into my life. Through Instagram of all things.
The whirlwind “romance”, if you will, that ensued is what brought me to one of the lowest & darkest points of my life. And it all happened in record time.
This person masqueraded as everything, literally, that I had on this list I had been carrying in my wallet for several years. There is no way that he could’ve naturally known what was on that list. Not to sound dramatic, but I do have an enemy and I’m pretty sure he had it memorized.
Just sayin’. (As a sidenote a few months later, I stood at my sink & burned it, sending it down the disposal. God has something much, much better planned for me – far better than anything I could come up with.)
At any rate, I fell fast & I fell hard. It was almost as if I have been drugged or hypnotized. There were crazy, crazy red flags flying from the very beginning. But this person had an answer – a really good answer- for everything that popped up. Several weeks into it I compromised something that was very, very sacred to me. All because I had been duped into thinking I actually loved this person & that he loved me. He pretended to be sweet & caring & thoughtful & romantic – he was an incredible cook, did my laundry, took me shopping- made me feel like the only woman in the world.
The worst thing of all is that he pretended to share my faith – stood next to me in church & raised his hands in worship. He took my hands many times & prayed with me. He could also cry with the best of them. And it was all a lie.
As time went on, his mask began to slip. I began to get glimpses of who he really was. And it all started to make sense while at the same time making me feel pretty dang crazy. Hindsight is more than 20/20 in this situation. Oh how I wish I could really convey that.
Ladies & gentlemen, there are wolves in sheep’s clothing. Some people would call them narcissistic sociopaths. And I encountered one of the worst kinds. What lasted just nine short weeks took me a solid six months to get past. I am so grateful I can talk about it now and the sting of it is gone. Thank you Jesus.
I am thankful also that I get to share it- in hopes that it may shine some light in a very dark place for someone else. If you are in a situation that is similar right now & you know something is not right & everything in you is screaming to get out – I STRONGLY encourage you – please do that very thing! You are not crazy & you are not alone.
God himself brought me through this & He will bring you through it too. The truth really does make us free.
Much love y’all & eyes wide, wide open-
(image courtesy of Christiancounseling.com)