My King

Good morning y’all ~

Thank you for the grace as you try to follow the squirrel in my soul. ❤️

I’m just overwhelmed with the goodness of God right now.
I had to spill it.

As I was scrubbing my face & brushing my teeth, through humble & grateful crocodile tears, I thought back over my life & all the things that I have done wrong. All of the ways that a child could embarrass their Father & Mother – disappoint them, break their hearts – I pretty much ran the gamut. All the while doing it embarrassed, disappointed & heartbroken myself.

I have loved & lied & laid down when I should’ve been standing up straight. I have settled for far less within myself when I could’ve been so much more. And I’ve walked with an invisible limp when everyone else thought I had it all together. I’ve said I was “fine” when I was anything but while people tell me how strong I am & yet so many times I feel the polar opposite. True story.

Like tonight when I got the phone call that slammed the specific door shut I was sure was wide open for my son.
We see through a glass darkly after all. Selah…

For just a moment I was transfixed, paralyzed – bound with that old foe of fear. Gripping me around my throat & all around my soul like a web – till I could hardly see my hand in front of my face.

But then I remembered Who my God was. Who my God is. Who my God will always be.
And I stood up on that –
I did not stand up on my accomplishments & all the things I’ve somehow managed to do right.
And I did not glance hard back, like a worn & salty pillar, at all the things I’ve done wrong.

I chose to stand up on that precious all-Powerful blood of Jesus – that was shed for my son a long, long time ago.
And He would do it again.
Because He loves him that much.
It has been my highest True Hallelujah through it all.

And it just so happened that a beautiful friend walked in my door at the very moment after I got that phone call. And she witnessed me falling apart when I was supposed to be busy operating as the consummate host. Then she took my hands & prayed with me till I could stand. Again.
Clearing the smog & shining light on the darkness that was trying to consume me.
Thank You Lord.

And then I sent out a group text & I posted on my Grit & Grace page on FB & I asked for prayer. And within minutes God had turned it all around. And He gets all the glory.
Every single little gigantic bit.
Thank you all so much for linking arms with me.

You see y’all, it’s not how we stumble & fall & falter as we get where we’re going – as much as it is that we open up & let go to the Great Revelation from whence cometh our Help. Where it Truly comes from.
The Only Place.

I’ve quoted it it many times but there is a scripture that says- “Lord I believe, help my unbelief.”
I totally, totally get that.

And I, more with each precarious & precious day, totally, totally get this –
Jesus You are the Lord of lords & the King of kings.
And You are my Beloved.
And I am Yours.

I can say that with total assurance.

Much Love –
Oh My God, how much Love,

Bonnie

(Image courtesy of animaljam.wikia.com)

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