Ramblings On Insecurity, Singleness & Bettering Ourselves

“As long as we live, our self-absorption and our insecurity will walk together, holding hands and swinging them back and forth like two little girls on their way to a pretend playground they can never find. Human nature dictates that most often we will be as insecure as we are self-absorbed. The best possible way to keep from getting sucked into the superficial narcissistic mentality that money, possessions, and sensuality can satisfy and secure us is to deliberately give ourselves to something much greater…[Christ] showed us that giving, rather than getting, is the means to receiving…to find yourself, your true self, you must lose yourself in something larger.” Beth Moore, So Long, Insecurity: You’ve Been A Bad Friend To Us
~~~

I am beginning this audio book. I LOVE Beth Moore.
A new friend let me borrow it & I plan on gobbling it up.

I struggle with the monster of insecurity, sometimes daily.
It is far better than it has been most of my life – thank you Jesus!! – but it still lurks around, hiding in shadows or sometimes out where everyone can see.

It is not easy being single at this age (46) – I mean, that alone can wallop you good if you let it. So many “younger” women with toned little bodies that haven’t had the decline of the years to hit them yet. (Oh, but it’s coming sweetie…) that us singles have to complete with. I say that tongue-in-cheek because we really aren’t “supposed to be” competing. We are actually supposed to just be comfortable in our own skin but…. Well…..
It is what it is.

The older I get the more value what’s on the inside has. Certainly. God has worked diligently on my innards which is what will really carry me through the next umpteen years. I know this.
But I also don’t want to stop there – to just let myself go down the slide of not taking better care of this flesh pot I have been gifted. Some things need to change, if I want to live my best life all the way-round.

It is a carnival ride, this getting-older-while-still-being-single.
It’s tough when we slip & fall into something ugly & no one is there in human form to help us up. Yes, thank God for friends – but you know what I mean. I would really love to have a solid God-loving man to lean on – someone strong & level-headed.

Lately, I’ve been feeling like he may not be as far-off as he was. I can almost see him strolling my way – if I squint real hard.

And I am in a good place to meet him, I think. I am happy & content. I keep feeding myself more positivity & education on how to navigate the waters of a new relationship. On what men relate to – and what repels them. What speaks their language & in turn, encourages them to speak ours.

I don’t want to take the reins or tell a man which way this will go – I want someone who will take the lead for a change. A real man, a gentleman – who isn’t afraid to go after what he wants & who will love God with me. Something healthy. And man, how awesome that will be. Imperfect, sure. There will be those times. There are no true fairy-tales – not all the time. That is not reality. But I don’t believe it has to be drama, & guess-work & uncertainty. Wondering where we stand (there’s that insecurity again). To tell you the truth, I’d rather be alone if that’s all that is waiting for me.

Anyway, until then – I have the personal responsibility & challenge to make the most of it. To make the most of me. I sure am trying & I like it. And I like myself. That’s a big one. Those insecurities are shrinking ever still – bit by painful, awkward bit.

If you know any singles or are one yourself like me, encourage one another – encourage yourself. And God – our greatest Advocate – is right there cheering us on too. We got this –

Much love y’all,

Bonnie

(image found via pinterest)

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