So I was writing about my being in limbo yesterday. I started getting more insight last night into what I am partially dealing with. I feel like God showed me ~ & it runs deep apparently. Heartbreak.
I am talking about a lifetime of it. From childhood on. Like so many of us have. I share this, not for pity, but for relevancy. I know many of you carry similar stories.
I have been through a lot of very traumatic things – some at the hands of someone else – some at my own. I have shared pieces of it with y’all before. Some of it happened when I was way too young to have any control over it. Some when I was older & should have, But I was broken & a mess ~ & in a perpetual state of spiraling nowhere good. Then Jesus found me. He & his Amazing Grace.
I would not trade my experiences because they have made me who I am. God has used them to enable me to identify with all kinds of people. It has helped me to not be judgmental – after all how can any of us be, truly? We all have stuff. We all walk with an invisible limp of some kind. We should burn our gavels, bury our swords & forget where we left them.
I feel like the last 46 years are being purged. I feel like I have been carrying more, stuffing more than I ought & it’s starting to show up ~ in such a way that I can’t deny it anymore.
I want the joy of my salvation back. That is what I am reaching for. Jesus paid the highest price for me to no longer carry the burden of my past – & in the things I am facing today – He asks me to lay them at His feet. I think I have gotten out of practice.
I choose this morning to turn my face towards heaven. I am stepping forward in faith & praying I can shut the door on some things that no longer serve me. I want memories to only be memories. I want the residual left behind to be swept up & tossed into oblivion. Because I am tired of trying to do it on my own, thinking I’m not. I want God to have it all. I feel like my turning point, my next chapter ~ waits on the heels of it.
Lord help me. Help every person reading this who identifies.
We pray in faith Your sweet word out of the heaviness of heartbreak~
“Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days”, according to Psalm 90:14. Thank You for paying the price & for not leaving us to ourselves.
Thank you for newness of life. For new beginnings. I know each & every one of us can have it, in You alone.
In Jesus’ precious Redeeming & Restoring name we pray,
(image courtesy of blog.amightywind.com)