I cry. A lot. At movies, TV shows, people on the street, with people I know & love. And I cry at home alone most often.
I just have to get it out sometimes. Because I have seen a lot & been through a lot. I have had my heart broken by family, friends, more than one man that I either loved or thought I did. Disappointment after disappointment. And so it has gone. On & on. And I have had to really fight hard at times to not fall prey to the lie that it is my lot in life. I declare right now, again – It. Is. Not.
I have dreams that still are unfulfilled & the waiting can be agonizing sometimes. Especially when the desires are so deeply embedded. Desires I know God has placed there. Much of the delay has been through my own poor choices, I realize. Or my naivete, certainly. And I have dreams for my son & his future that I have had to cling to, for him, for dear life. Standing in the gap when I know he cannot. I am so thankful we serve a God who doesn’t base our future on our past. He sees where He is taking us. Our Strong Tower, Encourager, Deliverer.
I’ve also had tears of joy unspeakable. Gratitude that pours out of my soul from places so deep even I cannot comprehend them. I literally feel like I am offering up a part of me so sacred when I am on my face weeping in thankfulness before God that the floor beneath me becomes Holy ground. I can only imagine that must have been what it felt like to touch the hem of His garment..
A quote from a devotion a good friend shared with me ~
“The psalmist tells us that God saves our tears in a bottle. The original word for this bottle is actually a “wine-making flask.” God sees every teardrop, saves them like the finest grapes, then transforms your heartbroken tears into something beautiful, rich, and life-giving that will quench another’s thirst and bring comfort and joy to many.”
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. ~ Psalm 56:8
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. ~ Matthew 5:4
Much love y’all & letting it all out at His feet,
(image courtesy of restinjesus.me)