A Tuesday Morning Rambling Confession…

I was so struck after visiting with my sister Pam last night at the hospital. She is 63, which is quite young to me these days- as I stare 46 down the nose. But to look at her current condition you would guess she was much older. She is frail & bedridden & has been through so much.
Basically she was born with hydrocephalus & later in young adulthood contracted epilepsy. She has had brain surgery, and a myriad of emotional/physical health issues as a result of all of that. That doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of what she has endured.
Anyone who has ever met her will say she is pure sweetness.
She is so pretty & has this quiet, almost child-like voice & such a gentle spirit. She never has anything bad to say about or to anyone & she loves Jesus.
I remember when I was a child, once a month when she got her check, she would take me shopping & buy me something to wear. Then we would go afterwards for a burger or a confection in the little downtown area where our parents lived. Back then she was more “normal”, if you will. Then life happened again. I miss her.
Because I didn’t know how to “handle” it after her health declined so much, for many years I did basically nothing. I am ashamed of that. I was not a good sister. No matter the reason. I just wasn’t. I was squirmy & uncomfortable when I was around her. So I just avoided it pretty much all-together.
But being with her these last few days has brought the memories rushing back. Of my sweet big sister who cared for me & looked after me. When we all needed a break from life. Of the sweet big sister who always had a child adopted somewhere overseas with monthly monetary giving. But never had children of her own. She cherished & looked forward to the updates & letters she would get about how they were doing. Who loved cute fuzzy little creatures of any kind. Who loved makeup & clothes & having fun being girls. She, to this day, still compliments people she encounters & you can take to the bank she means what she says. She recognizes beauty in all forms & always has.
And now her body is in the state it is in. She & her well-being in general are totally at the mercy of who cares for her.  To see her lying there at this stage in her life – having lived for 63 years – I saw just how short life is. How fragile. How precious it is. She is as valid a human being as you or I. She wants & needs love & care & respect just the same.
Father, forgive me for shutting down for so many years in my ignorance. Thank You for this opportunity to see things differently. For opening my heart up to what I haven’t understood for so long. For no matter the circumstance, Love conquers all.
It is the greatest thing we will ever share or receive in this life.
Thank you God for the gift of it. For the gift of You.
Please protect & overshadow our sister & see to it that she is cared for well in her time left here on this earth. May she be keenly aware of You every single day. May Your Grace & Love abound to her.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen
Much love y’all & praying that our eyes & hearts will be opened to more of what really matters,
Bonnie
*Meet my sister Pamela Catherine…. ❤
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