“Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts. I was better after I had cried, than before–more sorry, more aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle.” ~ Charles Dickens, Great Expectations”
I am giving myself permission to grieve. As long as it takes to ease my broken heart. To heal it. To not be ashamed of however long it takes. If I didn’t have the ability to cry, I would explode. I wouldn’t make it.
I feel things so deeply – my things & other people’s things. Been that way as long as I can remember. I know God’s hand was in it, but sometimes it feels like a curse. Sometimes I wish I could blot my feelings out with the blackest ink, ever. And re-write new ones. Life just ain’t that way.
We truly have so little control over anything. Things hit us we never saw coming. Because we open up up our tattered hearts & we try. And we try again. Because we believe, we hope, we love. And we want to be loved in return. We love to be loved. Without it hurting so damn bad. It shouldn’t have to.
Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects. It always trusts. It always hopes. It always perseveres.
Love. Never. Fails.
So if it did, then real love was not in operation. We have all fallen short. I raise my hand.
We speak the words “I love you” but how far are we really willing to take them? Only until it hurts too much? Only until it causes the truth to surface? Truth that was meant to make us free but what do we do instead? We run. Like hell. Back to our little hells.
And we repeat the same awful process over & over, leaving destruction in our path. God help us. To stop. And turn towards You.
You are our model for what Love looks like Lord. What Love is.
We will never hit the mark 100% of the time this side of heaven ~ I realize. But as we allow more & more of Your Love & Light into our life, it will propel & grace-enable us to, at least most of the time. I believe.
I believe in that kind of love. Because You have shown it to me.
I know it is real.
And You said to us that If we believe in You, greater things than these we shall do.
Thank You Lord for loving me. In spite of me.
For showing me what unconditional really looks like.
Much LOVE, y’all ~ much, much more,
(image courtesy of news.americanbible.org)