A Choice

I made a conscious choice yesterday & it transformed most of my broken heart. I have been getting all kinds of “messages” in every direction to stay thankful, no matter what the circumstance. To say that has challenged me is much more than any other understatement of late. Duly noted Lord.
So I reached down deep & did just that.
Rather than focusing on the the unraveling at the end, I decided to be thankful for the time I got to spend. The privilege of seeing into another person’s soul & sharing faith, sharing the things that matter. The feeling of being safe & happy & warm. Feeling like I was home. And loved & cared for & respected. Sharing tears of memories from knee-high to grown. The joy of laughter & having a good time, no matter where we were. Having a lap to lay my head in for a little while. Texts & notes & cards & thoughtfulness that sang my heart’s song. That let me know I had value, that I was thought of & cherished. And the absolute honor to return it in kind. That was all nothing short of a gift.
The fact that it went down the way it did still baffles me. But I am letting that part go bit by bit. I have to trust God with it. He knows best what we all need, every single one of us. That is my sanity. I’m turning the anger & hurt into gratitude. Into prayer. We all need prayer. We all tick the way we do for different reasons. We all have wounded souls & we all hide in closets sometimes. We live, react & make decisions out of those dark places until we get free of them. Until we stop running.
Living in truth – facing the mirror & not turning away, can be the most painful & frightening thing ever. But for freedom’s sake, it is all so worth it. New life comes from dead things when Jesus is handed the reins. Beauty for our ashes. Only God can do that.
And He wants to for us all. Jesus paid the price & it is, was & always will be finished.
It is, was & always will be enough.
Much love & laying down our pain for gratitude – there is always, always something to be thankful for,
Bonnie
(image courtesy of lightworkers.org)
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