Ramblings On Defeat, The Voice In The Wilderness & Finding Our Fire Again

I have been in a defeated place. I have dropped my arms. For a long time now. I used to be a warrior. Meeting each challenge with fire in my heart. Then life came along & swept my legs out from under me. And I chose to stay down. God still met me there & He has worked in me & loved & comforted. Confirmed me & encouraged me. Patient & kind & long-suffering.

Things going on with my son recently pulled me back up to fight in the face of destruction & I saw victory, at the very “end”. Or what I thought was the end. And when God came on the scene – I had lost almost every bit of hope I had . Thank you Lord for not giving up when I was so weak & exhausted & nearly did myself.

Last night I found myself on the floor with something unrelated & down for the count again. I felt like a tool, like the enemy’s foot stool. Like a failure. I was falling down the well of my humanity, my imperfections, my flaws. And God sought me & brought me out of the wilderness through a friend who said God told her to call me. As she spoke, as she declared – I began to rise. Out of that pit, that black place. That I was so convinced I belonged in.

The power of life & death is in the tongue. The word says so. That is evident in the words we speak to each other but also, so importantly, in the words we speak to ourselves.
The word tells us to build ourselves up on our most holy faith. That’s HIS holiness, not ours. Our righteousness is as filthy rags. And mine is pretty dang filthy. I needed Jesus when I fell at His feet the very first time at age 15 & I need Him even more today – 30 years later.

We have to come back to our first love. To ever find it & walk in love with each other. The greatest commandment is to love God with all our heart & love each other as we love ourselves.

So we begin again. Loving God, as He loves us. And loving one another as we love ourselves.

Lord Jesus. help us to find the fire again. The one You started in us. Help us to see that You don’t, nor have you ever, made junk – we are not the hopeless things beyond repair. You are the author & finisher of our faith. Please open the book You’ve written just for us & show us clearly where we ran off the page, granting us the Grace to start again.
Thank you Lord that Your Mercies are new every morning.
Thank you for Loving us, in spite of us.
We love & praise You today in faith – spitting in the face of our enemy,
In Jesus’ name,
Amen

Much love y’all, more fire & finding our way back to Your Love,

Bonnie

(image courtesy of favim.com)

beautiful-bonfire-cute-fire-Favim.com-900906

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