A Challenge – From The Past To The Future

I issue a challenge to myself & all of you reading this morning – to leave the past behind.

Now I realize doing it is a whole other ballgame. But it is possible.

Most of us are dragging at least some piece of it around with us everywhere we go, like Linus’ blanket. It comes out of our pores on the really bad days & we give people glimpses into the dark places we try to keep at bay. It can rear its head when we are backed into a corner or pushed to be honest. Honesty sometimes is the most painful thing – especially when being honest with ourselves. Who really likes looking into the magnified side of the mirror anyway? But it is so necessary. For growth. For overcoming, For freedom.

And our refusal to let go of the past is to blame for much of it.
It seems far easier & more comfortable to live out of our pain than our victories. But we can un-learn that pattern and create a new one. We really, really can. That means you too.

I myself was a control FREAK for many, many years. I thought if I had a strong-enough-death-grip on whatever I wanted to keep safe, it would work. Like my marriage. Like my son. I could go on. But you get what I’m saying here. Ironically, I lost my marriage. And it is for sure gone. And I nearly lost my son but thank you Jesus he is still here & still has a chance at a good future.

All of that control & angst & hell came from having disappointment & trauma, one after the other, after the other – since I was a child.
The. Past.

The only way I ever began to get free from it was to begin to say goodbye to it. To accept that it was what it was & realize that I don’t have to tether myself to it for the rest of my life. That I don’t have to live out of it all the time, making my decisions based on the damnable thing.

Now am I completely free of it? No. It still colors my trust of people. It still hangs around in the bricks of the wall that admittedly surrounds me, though it is much lower than it used to be. But I have seen victory. I have gotten freedom I never even knew existed. I only read about it and heard other people say they had it but I never thought I would. I really didn’t.

But. God.
He stepped on the scene and began to gingerly remove the bandages of all the hurt. Where people & circumstances had slashed away at me, trying to destroy & devour. But He loved me too much to leave me that way. I just had to lean into the process, painful as it was. And it has been so worth every single moment.

Hallelujah Lord. Any good in me is You.
Only You.

Much love & leaving the past behind ~ where it belongs y’all,

Bonnie

(image courtesy of keithnicolas.wordpress.com)

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