I admit I’ve let go of a lot of control in my life. I honestly have. But still, sometimes when things spin out of it- I don’t fare so well.
This week I’ve faced challenges with my health that are still unclear. After already being faced with things in the life of a loved one that are out of my hands. And then tonight – out of pure spite because I was busy & apparently not paying enough attention to him – my dog pees on MY side of the couch. I seriously could have hurt him badly. I hate to admit that.
I do not like it when that dark place in me surfaces. Because then I’m aware it’s still there.
Dormant until I’ve pushed aside & tried to deal & tried to cope & tried to hold together till I can’t anymore. And there it is. The ugliest place in me. I despise it.
The place in me I could remember screaming out of when I was all of 6 years old. And at various other out-of-control times throughout my 45 years.
The place that drove me to other awful places where I tried to hide. Like diving into a mirage when you’re dying of thirst & unbearable life-draining heat in the middle of the desert. And what you thought would bring relief at long-last doesn’t. It never did. It never will.
God help me & everyone out there tonight facing the same demons. The same different demons.
Lord Jesus rescue us from our enemies & save us. The battle is Yours. Help us remember it’s Yours. Thank you for holding us as we collapse in exhaustion from the horrible charades we play. Help us to lay humanly bare before Your Divinity within ourselves. Because we already are.
We surrender it all again Lord.
In Jesus’ mighty name,
(Image courtesy of artflakes.com)