Beloved

Good morning y’all! Well losing that hour of sleep didn’t seem to hurt to too bad. It is a beautiful Sunday morning here in North Carolina. It feels like Spring might actually be arriving soon after all. I’ll take it.

Switching gears, I have one tattoo. It is on my left wrist & I got it a month after my marriage ended. It’s just one word – “beloved” – from the scripture in Song of Solomon that says “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine..”

I got it to be a constant reminder that no matter what or who, I am loved, cherished, honored & I am secured. What I believe every person longs to know deep in their soul.

All the striving, the clamoring, the using, the losing, the floundering, the jumping, the dying & the living. We do it all in the name of belonging, of being loved.

The great lie is that we don’t & we aren’t.

But. We. Are.

If you could see all the horrible places I have been & the awful things I have done to myself & to others.The awful things that were done to me that I would have never wished for, not ever. If you could see my struggles, how sometimes I plunge back into a very dark place – willingly – right after being exposed to the most beautiful light. So for me to believe it & know it in my knower – if I can, surely you can too.

The twisty-ness of it all can be hellish – from bravery to failure. From the boldness of shouting at my enemy the Words of Life I didn’t write but they are my Promises – to the fetal position on the floor because I am so afraid & all I can see around me is doom & gloom. While I wallow in the hissing slop-mirage I was thrown in. Forgetting all that has been given to me – temporarily blinded. All that is at my disposal. And the crazy thing is I don’t even have to move one centimeter to get to it. It is already right here inside me.

And then the Light illuminates the darkness when I finally cry out. God is greater. Grace rescues me & helps me to my feet to rise once more out of that place. It may be a shape-shifter but its goal is always the same – to cause me to turn away from whence cometh my help & fall. Again. To believe the great lie once more that I have been left behind. That all I care about & desire from places in my heart I can hardly whisper of will never ever, come to pass because of this or that – all lies.

All. Lies.

To fully be the beloved – to really own it is a battle. It has been for me anyway. I do believe every single day that I am loved by God & that I am special – that He created me & no one on earth is exactly like me. But all the little every-day parts in between – therein can hide the great struggle. When one day bleeds into the next or where I thought I was headed on a train of flowers & fluff in a situation I care so much for suddenly lurches & derails. Or the fire of Hope that burns in my belly for something I long for threatens to go out, from the waiting. Oh the waiting.

But then Love cries out to me – His Beloved. Beckoning me back home to His heart. To His Great Fold. Where I know that no matter what does or does not happen – His ways are always better.

Always.

So right now, in this little moment on my couch, under my favorite blanket with my dog & my coffee riding shotgun – I believe.

I am my beloved’s. And He. Is Mine.

He is my light & my salvation. So why should I be afraid? He is my fortress & protects me from danger. So why, why in this wide world should I tremble?

Lord, Please bore deep into our hearts today that we are your beloved. We truly, truly are. We are cherished, yes – & we are safe – in your capable, strong arms. Help us to know we can always run to you & we are always welcome. Help us to never fear rejection from You. Your word says You will never leave us – help us to believe that in places we have never believed it before.

In Jesus’ wonderful name,
Amen

Much love to all you beloveds,

Bonnie

beloved_daughters

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