I watched what must have been movie #10,001 Sunday night. Some of them are more special to me than others. I wasn’t expecting much from this one because a friend said it was just “ok” but something told me to go out & take a gander anyway. The last 1/4 of it took my by surprise but in a good way. It spoke volumes to me. God famously gets my attention through movies quite a bit. Among other things.
In one scene, the main character (a stay-at-home Mom) is sitting next to her co-star “Bones” (played by Trace Adkins) lamenting over what a failure she is – how nothing is going as she “planned”. Listing all the ways she has missed it, blown it, screwed things up. In utter defeat she says “I’m not enough.” Bones then asks her “For who?” & she goes on to answer – her husband, her kids, her Mom, God – everybody. Then he says with the utmost wisdom in that deep baritone voice of his —- “You. Not enough for you…”
That is the very core if the lie I’ve bought into most of my life. I have overcome much of it through the proverbial peeling of the onion of my soul – but I am not 100%.
After the movie I plopped down hard into it & asked myself these questions –
What set the bar for the standards I have cruelly placed on myself? And why did I let it happen?
Why do I care if someone whispers & laughs about me behind my back? Why does anyone’s opinion matter that much? They are, after all, just opinions & we all know what they say about that.
And why do I actually ask myself the questions that wrap themselves in a choke-hold around my future hopes? Like how do I expect to ever find true love again? Because (and I rationalize) I am almost 45, I have flaws that seem to be multiplying by the day – I’ve got umpteen imperfections & idiosyncrasies… And the list goes on. And on. And on.
Why does any of that that equate – even for one second – to a need to change myself somehow?
Who CARES?? Seriously. Least of all it should be me. Or you my friend.
But we struggle with it. Because we want people to like us. We want to be accepted. And if you are single, most likely you – like me – want to fall in love again & to be loved in kind.
The more time goes on the more I realize I am fighting a battle that I will never win. Never. The rat-on-a-wheel battle of %$#@^& comparison.
This thing of letting what someone else thinks or says about me to drive me. To be what other people think I should be – all the way down to the shoes on my feet.
My goal in 2015 is to be as close to 100% comfortable in my own skin & my own personality as I can be.
Which leads me to my final thought –
That the last scene of the movie was my favorite part. Completely.
The main character is writing in her blog (that she nearly stopped because she felt like a failure at that too – been there) & she pens this:
“I’m a mess. But I’m a beautiful mess. I’m His masterpiece. And that’s enough.”
Selah. (Seriously – let that one soak in.)
Much love & much of our own authenticity y’all,
(The movie is called “Mom’s Night Out” if you are curious..)