Some of you are probably familiar with the passage in the bible that says “Be anxious for nothing but with prayer & thanksgiving make your requests known to God…” Phil 4:6 — ~ and I like The Message version – “Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.”
Bu the key here is that you have to let Him take it. Living & walking this out isn’t the easiest thing ever – at least not always for me. Maybe I’m the only one. Probably not.
We humans like to be the rulers of our universe, the masters of our destiny. The wheel that steers the ship-(wreck on occasion) – of our lives. We like control – every last one of us can get all mad-scientist-y with it from time to time.
I used to be a horrible control freak. And the f-word – FEAR – was at the heart of every last bit of it. From the time I was very little I had things happen to me & in life around me that were totally out of my control. Among many things, I found out especially about mistrust in men & continued to see that pattern over & over for many years to come. It plagued my life like a master design to rule me & eventually destroy everything I held dear. It “taught me” the lie that I couldn’t trust anyone of the male persuasion, embedding itself in my soul like the roots of an old oak tree. And the very thing I was so afraid of happened to me over & over. Go figure. When we are really afraid of something so-much-so that it drives us in our very core – it seems to attract that very thing to us. Whether it’s broken trust, failure, not feeling good enough ever for anyone – whatever it may be – just fill in your own blank here – _____.
It took me nearly losing my son & eventually losing my marriage to wake me up. What I woke up to was the real truth – that I can’t control anything anyone else does or does to me – I can only control myself & how I react to those things. And folks, following that revelation came peace like I had never experienced in my life. It settled itself around me like my most-favoritest blanket on a chilly day. And it has saved me so much unnecessary grief. I was rescued. Hallelujah.
Since then though, have I had times where I still wanted what I wanted – and hung on for dear life to something? Yes – and I guess that’s residual from that old control thing -rearing it’s ugly head again. But eventually I still let go. And yes, it still hurts like hell every time. See, that’s the key- we have to let go. We do our part & then we rest in the fact that we did. And then we have to trust what will be, will be.
Now admittedly, sometimes my rest doesn’t look like rest at all – because I’m kicking & screaming in the middle of the floor of my situation like a spoiled rotten brat to my Daddy. Surely if I cry & fuss long enough He’ll give in – right? Nope. He won’t. Because He is good. He won’t give me what He knows I don’t need. One of the many great things about God is that He does see it all – the end from the beginning. And He truly does know what’s best for each of us, long before we ever see it. Yep, even better than what we think is best – eons beyond that.
It’s not easy – this being anxious for nothing thing. And honey I ain’t perfect at it, but I am getting there inch by inch. Some days I have to “let go” fifty times or more. But the next morning I wake feeling stronger, better, wiser.
I believe in destinies, purposes – I believe there is a plan. For each of us.
And I don’t want to stand in the way of mine. Not this ol’ girl. I did it long enough. I’m tired.
Here is to the learning – of having much less anxiety & much more love & letting go ~