I am a sucker for a great movie. The best of them move me, inspire me & speak to me.
Last night I watched The Other Woman. It was comic genius. It was twisty, it was heart-warming & heart-wrenching. I will be finding the best deal & buying it for my collection.
After it was over, I practically skipped to my roommate’s bedroom & exclaimed just how great it was. And then I took Otis out for his final relief session of the evening. I still had a grip on my favorite blanket that I’d just been snuggled under so I plopped down on the porch swing & wrapped my legs up in it whilst he did his business. The sun was on the back-end of setting & that beautiful pink & orange color graced the sky, fast-fading behind the tree line. I swung there, hugged myself & watched. Up the drive by one of the ponds 2 deer came into the clearing & lingered awhile. If they’d had a clue I was there they’d have skidaddled, as is their M-O. I love it when I get to steal a few moments of their time unawares. Any second I expected Snow White & her 7 little friends to pop out of the bushes. It was that kind of magical. I am not even kidding.
Following this grandeur that other-worldly feeling I get sometimes swept through my soul like the softest most perfect kind of wind. I knew what was coming. My own personal visitation. And it’s not the first time it has happened on that porch. It’s a special one, I’ll tell you that.
In just a few seconds, nearly a life-time of sh*t-storms passed by me – the worst & least of them. Abuses, infidelities (both with my being the other woman & then having it done to me some time later), disappointments by the hundreds- maybe even thousands. Lies, betrayals on differing levels – being duped to the nth degree. The gamut – amuck.
Following quickly behind it was this infinite & almost tangible invisible mighty hand that came along & swept it all off to the side, out of my peripheral view. I mean, it was still there but it wasn’t on me anymore.
I have forgiven so much – I have. God has healed me so deeply in ways I never though I’d see this side of heaven. But regardless the sting of those life-things-I-never-wanted have always been lurking. Like chains with just enough give on them that I don’t know they’re there till I start getting more free. To jerk me back & remind me – “HA! See?? You will never have what your little heart desires…” The hissing laugh & lie of my enemy.
But last night, right there curled up with my blankie like a little girl again in that swing – I SAW it. Inside my soul. I saw my future in sweet shadowy scenes & felt the smallish but larger-than-life twinge of the joys to surely come my way. The joys I have not fully known yet in the measure I would want. Joys not only for me but in the lives of the people I love & hold dearest ~ most of all for my son.
The laughter & lies dissipated – I felt my heart swell huge again for the 2nd time in 24 hours. I felt fully bIessed as I gulped down yet another quenching drink of big, beautiful hope. And it satisfied me to my core – for a little while. I’ll take it. Hallelujah.
I got up changed. I felt it. I left something there, like a snake shedding its skin. I may even need to come back & re-read this again sometime as a human-reminder, but something shifted on my behalf on Tuesday night – August 26th, 2014. Something I do not deserve, that I have not earned. A gift of grace to take the place of burdens I both invited in & that were thrust upon me. They were hellish either way.
Here’s to the sh*t storms, movies that move us, & the touch of The Master’s hand that nudges us forward when we just can’t do it on our own ~
Much love & glimpses of joys to come y’all,
BonniePsalm 34:18 The Message (MSG) 18 If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.