“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.” ~ Louise Erdrich
Swimming through the glory of sweet unfolding victories like my son’s life in it’s bloom is overwhelming. I could hardly contain myself throughout the hours yesterday while I was with him. I literally could have burst. That’s how it felt. Like every fiber in my being was about to turn inside out. He is more handsome, more strong & brave, smarter & wiser than he has ever been before. Not flying into a fit of tears multiplied times was a feat but I managed to hold it together. I am sure he would be thankful I did. 🙂
After I left him with his Dad for Father’s Day, I drove down the road having a hallelujah fest in my car, thanking God he is far more than just ok. That he is alive & so, so well. And as I moved along – snaking my way through the countryside near what used to be my home – the dust from my dance settled around me. And a taunting hiss wove it’s way around my soul – I was going home to an empty house, alone. Sundays are still the hardest day of the week for me, some are worse than others. It’s been that way for going on 3 years now. It did not surprise me & has happened to me many times, especially after experiencing a great deal of happiness & gratitude.
It’s crazy how we can swing from such elation to such despair – like getting walloped from behind as we are skipping along & never seeing it coming. A thief & foe of the worst kind, but not an undefeated one. Oh no.
I have risen & reset this morning & it is a new day. A switch in perspective. We all need it sometimes.
Here is to the sweet taste of much love & successful resets,