Kicking Against The Pricks (Ahem), The Quest For Love? & Yes, Being Single

Hello out there in Blog Land. I have been out of commission for a few days – starting with vertigo & ending with – shall we say- better vision.

So as many of you know – who know me personally or who follow this blog – I am single. At 44. Which is interesting right by itself & just getting worse – sometimes better – as time rolls on. And the little sordid story I am about to tell you really happened. Just the other day. To me. And whether you are young, old, married, single, dating, whatever – you will be able to relate. Because we have all been screwed over, duped, fooled at some point, tricked & bamboozled. And if you say you haven’t or it can’t happen to you (aka denial) – well there is a prayer line for you somewhere sweetie. I’ll even help you find one.

I was out with a girlfriend Sunday afternoon watching some live music at a local venue. It was a lively place & the weather was just beautiful. Just a perfect day to be outside doing what we were. There were plenty of people to talk to, from all walks of life. And maybe even an angel – my friend can attest to that one. A story for another day.

This place we were at is one frequented by motorcycle enthusiasts – & I am sorry, but there is nothing like the roar of a Harley. Not in my book anyway. At one point 2 bikes pull up- one a couple, the other a single fella. As they dismounted & strolled inside, the single rider made a point to smile at me as he was walking in. He was a sight to behold too – man oh man.  We both noticed him – & my friend said she thought she saw him wearing a wedding band. Thusly, I was immediately turned OFF. Didn’t give him another thought. Hot or not – been there and done that on both sides of that sad fence. HELL no.

So, a little time goes by and the 3 of them come out of the restaurant area to hear the music after they finished eating. And (strategically) stand over by where the 2 of us were perched. My friend & I looked again & no band on his finger, so we thought  hmmm, maybe he wasn’t wearing one after all. After some glances were exchanged, smiles etc, he finally he comes over to talk. He introduces himself – I in kind- & the banter begins. Questions, laughs, flirting – the dance. You know the one, if you have a pulse. He is really sweet, seems very humble & he is really into me. And I am enjoying the attention. Judge this story every which way you will- but every person on this planet desires & wants to be paid attention to, to feel important. I don’t care who you are. It’s what we do with that desire that can lead this way or that. It’s a delicate dance.

Mr. Man goes on to tell me he’s been single for 3 years, 2 kids, had nothing bad to say about his ex, he’s served our country, has a great job – he’s smart, funny, articulate. Nothing bad-vibey coming from him. My friend asked him what his last name was – he willingly gave it up & even spelled it for her. Eventually, his friends decide it’s time to go but he wants to stay – with me. So he does -through the evening. He asks for my number near the end- & I gladly gave it to him. Again, really liking him and excited that this may actually lead somewhere. He even asks if the next day would be too soon to call on me. Of course NOT, really? Duh.

Well the next day comes & goes, no call.  I will admit, I was a little disappointed. I’ve been at this thing for almost 3 years. Some actual forward-motion progress is welcome at this point. But I thought, there must be some logical explanation – he’ll call the next day. I’m sure of it. But then my gut – combined with my sleauth-iness – takes me down a path of discovery. Between Google & Facebook I found that not only is he not single, but he gave a false last name. In fact, the name he used was his beautiful WIFE’S maiden name – WOW right? That’s twisty.

I am telling you this guy was smooth – not in an obvious way – but in the worst-kind-of-snake-in-the-grass downright dog kind of way. The way that you just don’t see coming. Because you are vulnerable – & he’s right there playing on it. And there I was, like a moth to a flame. That is hard to admit out here in this public forum but it is the truth. I was enticed by his being so sweet to me, kind, doting, attentive – he was good. He seemed very genuine. He really did. I see now it wasn’t my fault or anything I did wrong. It’s just like anyone in any situation where we are vulnerable & wanting something more, something different – whatever the case may be. And miraculously, someone is standing right there offering you what you want. Or what you think you want. Wolves & sheep.

I prayed a prayer when I became single this last time – something I never dreamed would happen again. A prayer for God to please protect me from anyone or any situation that would not be good for me, until the time comes to re-commit my life to someone again. And let me tell you, He has been faithful to do that. I look back & I clearly see it over & over again. Not every guy I’ve met has been a total creep – one honorable mention in particular is still on my mind & in my heart quite a bit – but the ones that would have just probably been sure destruction – they have fallen by the wayside. Usually with a blinking neon sign above their head that says RUN…

So the crazy, sad & sometimes pure-joyous journey of being single continues. My advice to you, if the shoe fits – Just be watchful – of your heart, of your back, of your mind. It’s tricky. And don’t become so jaded & bitter that you let a good one get away. Wherever they are, out there in the great blue & black beyond. Please don’t.

Much love y’all,

Bonnie
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5 thoughts on “Kicking Against The Pricks (Ahem), The Quest For Love? & Yes, Being Single

  1. Gwen Lilly

    WOW! quite the story–once again your Shining Knight was there to shield and protect you(r heart) Thank you for sharing this Bonnie—kind of amazing….geesh…..love you!
    P.S.***I wanna hear the angel story :))) ❤

    Like

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