Free

That’s what I want when I fall in love again. I want to be fully free to be fully me. And I want my complement to be fully free to do the same. Even saying that makes me squirm a little, admittedly. Because I was a control freak most of my life. Multi-layered & dimensional fear was the culprit. But I know that I know that as long as there is a foundation of trust & we are both fairly healthy inside & out & on the same page about some really important foundational stuff, I can’t think of  a more awesome way to be. When we love with constraints, with rules, with conditions, love in action dies. Eventually. I have been there.

My ex and I, who still remain friends & will always love each other, both married each other secretly hoping the other would change. Even just a little -you know, more to the side of the other “team”. In truth, there should have only ever been one team. But as humans, we kick & fight against such things – because we think we want what we think we want. Looking back I feel sure we both wish we had done things differently, done them better. Somehow. But we were who we were, and it is what it is. I have no regrets. I became a better me after those 14 years. Shoot, I just met me like 2 1/2 years ago. No more twisting & contorting to be, well, what? I started just being. Being Bonnie.

I am still evolving & I like me now. You have no idea just how huge that is. But if you have walked where I have my friend, then you fully get it. Now do I still get mad at myself and say “Why in the hell did I just do that?” – umm, that would be a firm Yep.

Oh to be free. And to give sweet freedom.  And it be safe? Wow. Now that’s a daydream-that-might-just-come-true I am holding on to.

Naysayers & haters, be free to say what you like – but I am not moving.

Much love y’all – and wild, awesome freedom,

Bonnie

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6 thoughts on “Free

  1. Carl Ray

    As I read this I could hear the old Soup Dragons ‘I’m Free’ playing in my head – “Don’t be afraid of you Freedom!”

    Like

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