I was having a conversation with a dear friend & we were mulling over a decision she had to make. We discussed the pros & cons of that decision & then we looked at what the reasoning behind wanting to make it was. Questioning the true motive behind it, and whether it was a healthy move or another way of escape.
We all try to escape things. I am most definitely 1000% guilty. Case in point – escaping “potential” pain by ending a relationship with someone I cared a great deal about. Whether it was a good decision or not, it hurt like hell. Daily. And frankly sometimes it still does.
We escape reality with drugs, alcohol, shopping, porn, food, feigning happiness – just to name a few.
We escape facing our own truths by trying to change the scenery around us with something different, but the common thread remains – we cannot escape ourselves.
My sweet friend said “I just wish sometimes God would write the answer in the sky” – and I completely agreed with her. Seriously. I wish He would too.
I replied by saying that I have found, more times than not, that His method of direction is more like dropping Reese’s Pieces on the ground in front of us, guiding each step. Sometimes we are so busy looking ahead we fail to see the next one, and we veer off the path laid just for us, but in His Grace He just keeps on dropping them till we see our way clear again.
I have begged & pleaded with God to show me the answer plain – so I can just “get on with my life”. (Insert drama and ugly crying) Lord help us women. Emotions. Good grief.
And then there is that still small whisper inside that sometimes says He already has and I just didn’t want to swallow it. Not yet. It hurt too much. So I keep pretending that I didn’t see the truth, that I didn’t hear it – leaving the little Reese’s Pieces behind me. And I keep spinning in drunken confusion. Drunken human confusion. That was probably unnecessary, but part of the dance of getting it right once in a while. Of getting back on the right path – to freedom. To peace. To living out loud again. To learning a better way.
To hope & the good plans laid for me. Because I and you – we – we are adored, cared for, LOVED, and believed in. Encouraged to keep getting up, and to pick up the little pieces, and to swallow the little truths. Because they are what lead to the victories.
Much love y’all,