I have someone in my life that I love beyond very much who has battled drug addiction for several years. He is an amazing soul. A fighter if I have ever seen one, has a huge heart and is strikingly good looking, whip-smart & off-the-cuff funny. He has been clean now for over a year & in a wonderful program. Thank you God he is alive today.
There was a time though where I never knew from one day to the next if he’d live or die. In fact, to stay sane, I had to come to peace with his death – so that if I did face it I could survive it somehow. So I could sleep at night. And so I didn’t stay in a constant state of panic. I remember one time going to see him and he was just a mess, which doesn’t even begin to describe his state. He was living on the streets by this time & he looked awful. Pale & gaunt, shifty & nervous -I could see no real life at all. I will never forget that day looking down at his feet. They were so dirty. His toenails were all long, broken & jagged. And it looked like someone had been putting cigarettes out on the bottoms of them. For all I know he could have done it to himself.
Last night I was outside enjoying the beautiful evening and my heart began turning this way & that, my mind going right along with it – the rat on the wheel that lives in my head. In that quiet space on the back porch, I began to talk to God. The moment just called for it.
Like a broken record the beginning, admittedly, was unrelated angst over what has felt like a proverbial thorn & my asking yet again for Him to please remove it from me, but I quickly shifted to gratitude. And oh, how much sweeter it was. Note to self.
Then I started thinking about this loved one I mentioned above, and where God has brought him from. I believe with my whole heart it was in fact God. It is nothing short of a miracle he is still here. I know it in my knower, like I know my name.
And then the memory of his dirty feet came drifting up, and suddenly it just hit me, like a blaze of glorious light in the depths & death of darkness. His feet aren’t dirty anymore.
He now works every day & makes an honest living. has food to eat & an actual appetite & nice clothes on his back. And he comes home to a safe place where he gets a shower every night. And his feet are clean. Hallelujah.
Such a seemingly small & insignificant thing that I am sure most of us take for granted. But right there in that aha awe-inspiring moment, a very huge thing to me.
Enough to put me on my face for a while. And when I rose, I knew what my next blog would be about.
My cup overflows.