44: Hindsight, Foresight & Becoming Cinderella

Age is just a number right? Well I am 44, and so are my boobs. It is what it is.

A glimpse behind me, here’s a just a smidgen of things I didn’t see coming, back down the road a fur piece as I turned 40 with such glee:

Being single again & almost unbearably lonely sometimes

Being a roommate

Feeling a bit lost & unhinged

Eating alone

Movies alone

Online dating

And you know what y’all? The funny thing is none of that has killed me yet. There were times when I thought I might just disappear from feeling so invisible. That is almost accurate. But au contraire mon ami-s ~ being single, though it has its pits, is not all bad. The pits I don’t even have to list here. if you are or have been and you know you aren’t meant to be, you know the list. Why muddy the waters.

And being a roommate to my current lovely is wonderful. She has become a friend, a non-judgmental confidante & retail buddy. She has taught me a better way around the kitchen, being the culinary genius that she is. And her big, beautiful home sits on a slice of heaven on earth and I actually get to live here (!!!!) till it’s just time to move on. Feeling a bit lost & unhinged has forced me to try new things, new places. And eating & seeing movies alone is actually quite empowering. In a weird way, I feel kinda sexy when I do. Just sayin’.

And yes, I have braved online dating. I think I have literally tried almost all of the sites, or it sure feels like it. I am literally shaking my head as I tap this post out. Borrowed partially from the famous Mr. Gump’s Mama – Online dating is like a box of chocolates – you never know what you’re gonna get. Let’s just say I have dodged a barrage of chocolate-covered bullets. I’ve “met” some really nice guys too but the right fit just isn’t there. This ol’ girl is still waiting for the one who holds my slipper- you know the one that fits. It won’t be too tight or too high – it shan’t be perfect either because Lord knows I surely ain’t. Phew. But what it will be is ornate and beautiful and it will be ME. And I love some shoes -amen?  So surely he MUST be out there, living & breathing & looking for his Cinderella. (cough-excuse me) God, anytime would be nice..

Wonder what Cinderella is like at 44 anyway? Well from my vantage point she’s fabulously flawed, and genuinely genuine. She no longer dresses in rags & buys miraculous bras. She will not ever again revisit groveling at anyone’s feet. She loves fiercely, deeply & commits to living her truth. She walks with her held up and is becoming more sure of herself & what she wants, hour by hour., Though her age is starting to show outwardly, she sees character & not a hag. Her past does not define her. Grace carries her, Love is her banner & Mercy her understanding, but not at the cost of her self-worth. And she won’t settle, no matter how bad she wants to. Peace is her compass.

Lonely may be lonely & lonlier still at 44, but it beats compromise & taking the road more traveled. I already blazed that trail for y’all, dang near burnt it the hell up –  so turn back!! Well, never mind – you’ll probably learn the hard way just like me. What real life lessons are ever learned any other way? Good luck with that one.

I’m preaching to the choir. And praying y’all come away not even smellin’ like smoke. That’s my plan anyway.

44, here’s to you – Cheers. May it be the best year yet. I’m not even kidding.

From The Pot To The Kettles ❤

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